Kabuto's Revenge
by Prince-san
Summary: After Sasuke killed Orochimaru, Kabuto promised to get revenge on him. A spinoff of Kabuto's threat in "The Plan". Hilarious two-shot.
1. Preparations for War

**Kabuto's Revenge**

**Chapter 1:"Preparations for War**

**By: Kiba Inubake**

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Hi, everybody! Thank you so much for reading my story. As I wrote in my profile earlier, this is my first public work, so please review at the end. Originally, this was supposed to have Naruto as Sasuke's main helper. But, I've replaced him with Haku, because he's my favorite character, and he won't be in my next story, so please enjoy.**

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Warning- It's not my fault if you think this chapter's a little boring. I think that, too.**

**Disclaimer-**** I don't own Naruto. If I did, I wouldn't waste my time writing this disclaimer.**

**Idea Disclaimer-**** The idea about the war was not my idea; it was Blondi89's idea. Please read her works; you'll probably like it, unless you don't like Naruto. If you don't, then quit reading my story.****

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"**Preparations for War"**

The winter breeze blew by as a man in his early 20s walked against the wind towards an ice-covered tree.

_This looks like a nice spot to rest at_, thought the man. He climbed up the tree and sat down on a branch. The wind picked up. A few remaining leaves brushed against the fan decoration on the man's jacket. He picked up on the sound of soft steps, the pattern that belonged to his effeminate friend Haku.

"Good morning, Sasuke," Haku spoke, gently sliding his hand over the two long locks of smooth black hair hanging over his face. "How are you today?"

"Fine, actually. I thought moving to the Land of Waves might be hard, because of my friends back home. Yet, I'm surprisingly fine," Sasuke replied. "Hey, Haku, would you mind showing me around the area?"

"I'd be glad to!" Haku replied. A warm smile took over his face.

Sasuke opened his mouth, but was stopped by a letter protruding from his pocket that Haku just happened to notice.

"Is that a letter?" He asked, with a glint of curiosity in his eyes. "May I ask who it is from?"

"Oh, right. The letter…" Sasuke said, slowly pulling it out of his dark blue jeans. "I haven't read it yet. Care to join me?" He asked, beginning to read the letter aloud.

_"To the bastard Sasuke Uchiha,_

_My loathing of you has not dropped; in fact, it has risen. So far to the extent that I, Kabuto Yakushi, am declaring war. Meet me at Tanzaku Town's outskirts at dawn three days from now, or my army, even though small, will destroy the village you currently occupy. Gather all the fools you need; there's no way you'll beat me. Expect no mercy, Uchiha!!"_

"This man is demanding a war?!!" Haku shouted, shocked and confused. "Who is this man and why does he wish for a war?!"

"This is the right-hand man of the evil traitor Orochimaru, who I killed. Or, should I say 'was'. He's wanted revenge ever since, and he's come this far to declare war. Haku, will you join me?"

"Of course I will, Sasuke. You are my best friend, next to Zabuza, of course. I'm sure he will offer help as well." Haku answered sweetly. "I think it would be best if we shared our techniques."

"Sounds fun," Sasuke calmly said. "Let's find Zabuza and begin. He's at his hideout, right?"

"Zabuza went out early to examine the new restaurant and is bringing back breakfast. He should be home by now." Haku corrected.

"Okay then, let's go," Sasuke said in a slightly laid back tone.

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"A war, is it?" Zabuza said in his deep voice, chomping down on a steak. "I've been dying to fight! Count me in!"

"Well, well… You're more enthusiastic about this than I thought," Sasuke smirked.

"Sadly, it's been dull lately. I haven't fought a real battle in a while; Haku and I have just sparred," Zabuza said excitedly. He then took a sip of water. "So, what is this about _jutsu_? You want to exchange knowledge?"

"Yes, Zabuza," Haku confirmed. "We wish to share our techniques with one another for the war."

"It does sound interesting…" Zabuza said. "Okay, but Uchiha, teach me that _"Raikiri"_ attack your Kakashi taught you. He showed me it once, and I'd like to combine that with my pounding."

"Deal," Sasuke confirmed.

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The three ninja shared their techniques with one another. Some included were the _"Water Prison Jutsu," "Flying Death Needles," _and _"Grand Fireball Jutsu,"_ along with _"Raikiri_._"_

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Two days had passed. The three practiced their new techniques, sparred with each other, and ate the food Zabuza brought back from the restaurant, which they found delicious, if you were wondering. The trio then departed on their trip to Tanzaku Town. Nothing exciting happened, so I'll skip it.

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They finally made it to Tanzaku Town with two hours before sundown. They checked into a hotel, slept the night, and woke up early for the Sound ninja. They walked toward the outskirts of town when they noticed a few figures standing in the area.

"That doesn't look like the Sound ninja…" Sasuke said to no one in particular. "Actually, one sticks out… Is that Itachi?!"

He stared closely at the tall figure in the Uchiha jacket. (The Uchiha massacre never happened.)

The figure instantly appeared in front of Sasuke. It was, in fact, Itachi Uchiha in all his glory!

"Sasuke…" Itachi said. "You've grown so much since I last saw you!"

"Big brother!!" The younger Uchiha shouted. "I missed you so much! But how did you know I was going to fight here?"

Itachi stood silent for a moment, then said, "…It's a secret."

"Humph…" Sasuke pouted, recalling his younger years, imitated the scene back then.

"I will teach you an advanced technique first," Itachi stated. "It's called the Shadow Clone: Smash."

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Sasuke learned the new technique, tested it out, and happily practiced it once more.

Thanking his elder brother, the four walked towards the rest of the group. "I brought help," Itachi stated.

Glancing around, the younger Uchiha noticed Naruto and Gaara, Rock Lee and Guy, and Sakura and Kakashi. After greetings, the group noticed the Sound ninja finally showing up a ½ hour late.

"Sorry we're late, but **Jirobo** had to spend an hour on the toilet!" Kabuto seethed, looking in Jirobo's direction.

"I told you, I ate too many spicy chicken wings last night!" Jirobo whined. "They lured me in with their tasty spiciness and their hot aroma wafting around my nose…" Jirobo started to drool, realizing that a few seconds later.

"Oh well, now that we're here, I'll be killing you, Sasuke!" Kabuto growled at the unaffected younger Uchiha.

"Yeahhh, no you won't," Sasuke replied in a bored manner.

"Take me seriously, Uchiha, or I'm gonna get upset!" Kabuto whined.

"Look, can we start now or what? You're boring me, Yakushi…" Sasuke said, pretending to yawn.

"Oooohh!! You make me so angry, you bastard! First you kill Lord Orochimaru, and now you make fun of me?! I'll really kill you!!" Kabuto yelled, losing his temper.

"Oh, really? SHARINGAN!!" Sasuke yelled, using his Kekkei Genkai. **End of Chapter.**

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**Well, first of all, thank you for reading my bad attempt of writing an action story. ****I'm sorry it was so short… Please don't blame me… It was the most I could come up with that wouldn't bore you. It didn't bore you, did it...? Please review!**


	2. Friendship Never Dies

**Kabuto's Revenge**

**Chapter 2: "Friendship Never Dies (Unless you provoke it)"**

**By: Kiba Inubake**

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Hey! Chapter 2 finally makes its premiere! I know it's been a long time since the last update, and I apologize. Anyway, this is the last chapter. It's a short story, so don't judge me by my laziness. This one's a LOT funnier than the last one; it's more of a spoof than an action story, actually. I'm quite proud of myself. I actually did this in less time than you'd think. I hope you like it!

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**Disclaimer-**** I don't own Naruto. If I did, I wouldn't waste my time writing this disclaimer. It's common knowledge.**

**Idea Disclaimer-**** The idea about the war was not my idea; it was Blondi89's idea. Please read her works; you'll probably like it, unless you don't like Naruto. If you don't, then quit reading my story.

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"**Friendship Never Dies (Unless you provoke it)"**

"Die, Sasuke Uchiha!!" Kabuto screamed. "This is for killing Lord Orochimaru!!" He took out the blade of Kusanagi. To be honest, I really don't know the difference between it and a normal sword, except it came out of Orochimaru's mouth. Why would Kabuto even want to hold it? Disgusting... Wait, why I am I asking you when _I_ wrote it?

"That's Orochimaru's sword, isn't it?" said Naruto. "He used it to kill the Old Man!"

"Naruto, why are you getting the first good characters' line? You're not a main character!" Sasuke said.

"Sorry to get your panties in a bunch, Sasuke-teme, but I am now!" Naruto exclaimed.

"You're anything _but_ a main character, ass hole!" Sasuke angrily yelled. "And stop wasting lines! People are going to give Kiba bad reviews! That means less screen time for us both!"

"Oh, shit! Okay, let's start fighting before we're yelled at or our weird lines are made fun of by people like Kiba's friends!" Naruto announced.

"This is the sword of Kusanagi, and it is my Lord's blade," Kabuto told the group. "It's the last thing you'll see before I kill you all!!"

"And this is my fist; the last thing _you'll_ see before _I_ kill _you_!" Itachi said, defending the group while raising a fist.

"This is why I love my big brother," Sasuke said to Haku, who was laughing lightly.

"When the hell are we going to start killing each other?!" Gaara shouted, making everyone think he was either bloodthirsty or on drugs. Zabuza was the only one who agreed with Gaara, and added, "Yeah, when? The demented kid's gonna freak out or something if we don't do start." That was a joke, from assassin to assassin.

"Fine, let's start," Kabuto said. He made a few hand signs. "Feather Illusion jutsu!" He yelled. Feathers appeared out of nowhere and started to fall.

Sasuke used a release technique. "That won't work on me, loser!" He yelled. Zabuza then followed with the _"Hidden Mist"_ jutsu. Sasuke and Zabuza had thought of a brilliant plan earlier; to turn the mist into water, splash it on the ground, and then use the _"1,000 Needles of Death"_ technique. It also worked as Haku and Zabuza's advantage.

Sasuke made some more hand signs, and chakra appeared in his palm. He charged at a fat figure and straightened out his arm. "Raaagh!! Chidori!" He yelled as his arm cut through the figure's body.

"AAAGH!!!!" Yelled the fat person. "MY STOMACH!!!"

"Jirobo?!" Kabuto exclaimed. "Oh, well. He was useless anyway."

Naruto started to crack up. "Hahahahaha! The fat guy just got cut in half!!"

Sasuke jumped back a few meters. "Take this! A Thousand Needles of Death!!" Suddenly, the surrounding water turned to needles made of ice and levitated in the air. A second later, they flew into the Sound ninja's direction.

"Oh, this isn't good… Does anyone know a defense technique?" Kabuto asked.

"I do!" Chimed Tayuya. She picked up Jirobo's corpse (With Kimimaro and Sakon's help) and they threw him at the needles. The needles, however, cut threw him and still headed towards the poor defenseless ninja.

SLASH!! The Sound team members were all hurt severely by the needles.

"Score for us, the Swordfish team!" Naruto yelled, with that 'oh-so-Naruto' grin (As said by Blondi89) and jumped with his index finger raised up high.

"EXCUSE ME?" Sasuke and Sakura shouted. "That's the stupidest team name ever, idiot!" Sakura yelled, punching him on his head. "Dobe…" Sasuke said.

"Oww!! Sakura, you're so cruel to me! Why is it always me?" Naruto said.

"As my emo brother said, it's because you're a dobe… whatever that is," Itachi answered. Kakashi chuckled at the thought of Sasuke back when he was a Genin. _"He hasn't changed a bit,"_ he thought.

Gaara walked over to Naruto, laughing the whole way at his best friend. But the sight of something else made him gasp. "Naruto, watch out!" He said, raising a shield of sand in front of the group. The sand fell after a soft thud. It fell, showing a sticky, stringy glop on the sand. They noticed someone standing nearby. "Hey, it's that weird spider-guy!" Naruto exclaimed, remembering the Spiderman theme. "Spiderman, Spiderman…" He started singing the Spiderman theme softly.

"I'll trap you guys up in my web! And then I'll throw spider eggs onto you, and watch the millions of poisonous babies crawl about and bite you!" Kidomaru said.

"Wow, what a jerk," Kakashi muttered. "No wonder he's with Kabuto…"

"Shut up and die! Oh, you know that song that goes 'shut up and drive'? I got my line from there, but I changed it." He said to Kakashi, with a smile that soon faded when he saw every other person's reaction.

Everyone but Naruto- O.O "He likes that song? Holy shit, he's more messed up than Naruto!" They all chorused.

Naruto perks up upon hearing his name. "What about me? I was thinking of the Spiderman song."

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Tayuya ran over to Sasuke so quietly that not even Itachi noticed. But Lee and Guy did! She was about to play an annoying tune on her flute to blow up Sasuke's ears, but she was interrupted by the insanely powerful legs of the two taijutsu masters, who obviously had previous help of steroids. They pummeled into her using the _"Dynamic Entry"_ attack. Tayuya was knocked to the ground, but that didn't stop her from using her annoying flute of annoyance!

"Survive this, Uchiha! Oh, wait, that's bad. Err, _don't_ survive this!" Tayuya said, beginning to play a tune. Sasuke was forced to cover his ears because she was such a terrible musician, despite knowing how to play for over 15 years and practicing at least 3 hours a day. Yeah, feel the irony!

"No! It's so horrible!" Sasuke shouted. "Aargh!!" Instead of his ears blowing up, Sasuke passed out.

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The young Uchiha…ahem…"woke up" later. He was in his body as a 12-year-old boy again. (This is the story of how he and Haku became friends.)

Sasuke had traveled with Naruto and Sakura to the Land of Waves because Kakashi gave the group some time off. They had somehow made a whole trip there without being attacked by anything or anyone. They had met a "girl" in the forest picking medicinal herbs one morning, and, of course, the idiot started hitting on "her". However, when the "girl" realized he wasn't _just_ being nice, "she" told Naruto that he was hitting on a boy. Yes, who else could pose as a girl but Haku? Naruto was horrified at the thought of being totally humiliated by his friends, so he ran off before snobby Sasuke and bitchy Sakura could make a cruel remark. Sakura ran off after him to make sure that they didn't lose him, and Sasuke had a friendly chat with Haku. The two soon became friends and went out to eat breakfast. (Not as a couple, as friends...) Since they couldn't find Naruto and Sakura, the two went off to hang out. Later that day, it had turned dark, and Sakura & Naruto found Sasuke & Haku roasting marshmallows over a fire.

"Oh, there you two are," Sasuke said as he pulled up the bag of marshmallows. "Want some marshmallows? They're delicious. I've never seen them in Konoha before, but Haku introduced me to them today, and now I'm hooked. Try some, Sakura. Naruto, for running off like that and making Sakura chase you, you only get up to 5."

"Oh, is that how it is, Sasuke-bastard? Put your _girlfriend_ in front of _me_? I oughtta pummel you!" Naruto seethed.

"Dobe… Do you ever shut up?" Sasuke said angrily. "I feel sad for you, Sakura; having to put up with Naruto all day."

"Oh, Sasuke, it was a nightmare!" Sakura whined. "All day he was talking about wanting to fill his gut with different kinds of ramen! And yes, I'd like a marshmallow."

"Not _kinds_ of ramen, **_types_** of ramen, Sakura! You're clueless when it comes to the _true_ Holy Grail: ramen!!" Naruto shouted.

"God damn it, there's no fucking difference!!!" Sakura shouted, whaling on her simple-minded blond teammate's head.

"OWW!!!! Damn, that hurt! Sakura, you're such a bitch! And you're getting fat, too!" He replied, getting Sakura furious.

"WHAT DID YOU SAY?!!!!!!!" She shouted, knocking Naruto 20 meters away. ((Power comes from anger and frustration, NOT willpower. I just want that to be cleared with everyone. **Motivation **comes from willpower.))

Sasuke looked over at Haku. "Oh, right. This is Haku," He told them.

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Sasuke woke up several hours later, finding that everyone had chosen to sleep. He took this opportunity to stab the Sound Ninja with the kunai that never seems to escape from his hand.

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**Joke:** Naruto walks up to Sasuke and says, "Hey, Sasuke, do you ever let go of that kunai?"

"I can't; it was super-glued to my hand a few years ago. You don't even want to know how many times I've accidentally stabbed myself with it…" Sasuke replies.

"Haha, Sasuke! You're such a loser!" Naruto laughs at him.

Sasuke gets pissed off. He activates his Sharingan and stares at Naruto directly in his eyes. "The power of emo compels you!!" He yells. He repeats that phrase a few more times.

"Aaagh… Must…resist…urge to…cut myself…!" Naruto says while being captured by the ways of the emotional people. Naruto's eyes and hair magically turn black. "Shit, now I'm just like you…"

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Sasuke resumes after thinking of that joke. He walks up to every enemy and kills them. He also draws on Naruto's face with a marker that magically popped up out of nowhere in front of him.** End of Story.

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****So, yeah. I don't care if you thought it was too short; it's fine as it is. Also, tell me if you liked the joke. I based it on my friend's reaction when I showed him my Akatsuki ring and said "the power of emo compels you". Ahh...good times, good times...**

**I'd give you super special awesome readers an extra, but I can't post a picture. So, here's something quick and random: go and get an Akatsuki ring. They look cool on you _and_ you can show it off to your friends. It's a win/win situation! (Not incuding financial status.)**


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